I had the misfortune to catch Scott Mills presenting the midweek lottery show a couple of nights ago.
Let me rephrase that slightly. It wasn't Scott himself who was the misfortune. He's a bright lad and gave me a lot of coverage when I organised my 35th birthday party back in 2003. It was his choice of guest that presented me with one of the worst examples of car-crash TV I've seen in a very long time.
Sir Cliff Richard - who, believe me, has clearly stopped popping the Peter Pan pills - sang a truly God-awful valedictory song called Thank you for a lifetime, which he'd penned to celebrate his half century in the music business. I have absolutely nothing against novelty records, excessive kitsch or even a little bit of self-indulgence from ageing pop stars. My tolerance level for this kind of stuff is a good deal higher than most people's. But Cliff has produced such a turkey that I found myself involuntarily closing my eyes and grimacing in the privacy of my own front room. If you want a sense of what I endured and have three or four minutes to spare, check out the tune on youtube.