WASHED AND READY TO EAT

I'm grateful once again to my old friend the Hoffmeister ( www.hofflimits.co.uk ) for pointing me to some important regional news. Colchester Zoo is capitalising on Valentine's Day by offering a unique setting for marriage proposals. The detail of the scheme is so nuts that I can only assume it was dreamt up in the orangutan enclosure or after a failed full frontal labotomy of a PR consultant. According to the promotional blurb , your partner won't be able to say no if you pop the question alongside their favourite cuddly animal. You therefore book a feeding or 'training' session with a keeper and ask suitably earnest questions about the dietary habits of sealions or giraffes. When the moment is right, it's suggested you then step in with your engagement ring as the Zoo produces a red rose and a glass of bubbly. The 30-minute 'experience' needs to be pre-booked, which is a real shame, I feel. If I were going to propose to someone alongside a gorilla, I...