Skip to main content


Showing posts from October, 2013

Go on... treat him this Christmas

Stuck for an original gift this festive season? Look no further than the originally named Original Gift Company. I chanced upon one of their catalogues on a south London commuter train and wanted to give WARTE readers a sense of the sheer breadth of Yuletide surprises on offer. Unsure what to give your hubby or boyfriend? No need to throw in the towel. This all-in-one kilt set will keep him dry after he's been skinny-dipping in the local loch. What goes around comes around. So there's no question he deserves this motorised tie rack. You won't only have a red nose when you pass on this fabulous, Santa-inspired bottle holder. You'll have a red face too. Bandits at 2 o'clock high. But can we shoot our way out of the goldfish bowl? Get a grip with these inventive and practical... err... on second thoughts, just get a grip. He'll have a face like thunder when you present him with this piece of meteorological kitsch. Don't forget the decorations: c

If I sponsor an obscure philosophical society and nobody notices, do I exist?

An extraordinary email arrives at Woodford Towers, offering a unique sponsorship opportunity. How would I like to become a patron of the 'world-renowned' Dublin University Metaphysical Society? It's an interesting offer, to be sure. For the modest investment of just £600 a year, my logo will be 'seen across Dublin' and I'll be able to tell my shareholders that I have a programme in corporate social responsibility. My largesse will help to fund the attendance of various speakers. People such as Professor Ray Monk, whose forthcoming topic is The Synthetic A Priori and the Analytic A Posteriori: Wittgenstein on Phenomenology . Certainly one to mark in the diary. There's only one thing that I find puzzling. Why me? And, come to think of it, why am I here? And does this blog actually exist?