WASHED AND READY TO EAT

Having met the Fonz at Richmond Waterstones, I wandered down to a store called Whole Foods Market , which is almost beyond parody. Stretching over two large floors, it seems to position itself as a place where the affluent residents of the south-west London suburb might choose to do their weekly shop. Heinz baked beans and other fairly everyday essentials compete for space with £10 pots of 'Richmond Park Natural Honey' and £20 trays of Maine lobster. Had Henry Winkler been able to join me on my shopping expedition, he would have been pleased to see that the retailer is also quite big on Thanksgiving - presumably catering for the American diaspora that helps fill the seats of Richmond Theatre, where the former Happy Days star is appearing in Peter Pan . There was a Catherine Tate moment when I heard a young boy by the fish counter ask his dad whether it was possible to have a whole sea bass. I'd have told the cheeky young lad that it would be KFC if he didn't shut...

The Waterstones branch in the leafy London suburb of Richmond has probably played host to its fair share of famous authors. But surely none has caused quite the buzz created by the arrival of Henry Winkler.  The 68-year-old actor has traded LA in recent years for stints in British panto and in this star-studded sleb-selfie, he really is 'behind me'! Waiting for the arrival of the Fonz, and clutching one of his kids' books for my young nephew, I saw women actually brushing their hair and doing their make-up. The book store handed out chocolate brazil nuts to those  of us foolish enough to ship up an hour before and form an orderly queue down the street. What an occasion and what a genuinely nice guy.  Saturday, what a day: Washed and Ready to Eat's Phil Woodford meets up with Fonzie.

Interesting new approach from a local estate agent which I need to report to WARTE readers. I've previously been sold the line that there's an eager would-be purchaser who's paying the agent a fee to find him a property. This act of insanity and benevolence to potential vendors means that I am able to sell at no charge. Now, a twist. We are told in a letter addressed to 'The Legal Owner' of Woodford Towers about a named individual - let's save his blushes by calling him Mr Peter Miller - who has expressed a particular wish to move to our street. He used to live here, before heading for nearby Richmond. Now he wants to return to his 'much-loved road'. "Obviously," writes the agent, "this is a genuine enquiry." Obviously. The genuineness of it all was the first thing that struck me. Because people who go to Richmond often realise what a terrible mistake they've made, don't they? The river. The wine bars. The cappuccino. ...

Every so often, an extraordinary freebie called The Richmond Magazine drops through my letterbox at Woodford Towers. This glossy publication is full of ads for private schools and modest semi-detached properties in Kew that are going for £3.25 million. The February edition caught my eye because of a chance to win breakfast with Texan supermodel and Richmond resident Jerry Hall. Although Jerry's a bit old for me - and, of course, I'm happily married to Mrs W - I thought a spot of brekkie with a former A-list sleb would be something to blog about in the future. It turns out that it's just something for me to blog about today, because entrants don't actually 'win' this competition. They have to submit sealed bids, with the money going to worthy local causes such as The Richmond Magazine Adopt a Deer Appeal. Somehow, I don't think I'm likely to be able to compete with the deep-filled pockets of the Richmond glitterati. A shame, because 'celebrated inv...