Friday, June 17, 2011

Richmond? Nah, it wasn't for me...

Interesting new approach from a local estate agent which I need to report to WARTE readers.

I've previously been sold the line that there's an eager would-be purchaser who's paying the agent a fee to find him a property. This act of insanity and benevolence to potential vendors means that I am able to sell at no charge.

Now, a twist. We are told in a letter addressed to 'The Legal Owner' of Woodford Towers about a named individual - let's save his blushes by calling him Mr Peter Miller - who has expressed a particular wish to move to our street. He used to live here, before heading for nearby Richmond. Now he wants to return to his 'much-loved road'.

"Obviously," writes the agent, "this is a genuine enquiry."

Obviously.

The genuineness of it all was the first thing that struck me. Because people who go to Richmond often realise what a terrible mistake they've made, don't they? The river. The wine bars. The cappuccino.

"Darling, I don't think I can stand it another day here. I promise to bring you back every so often to Max Mara. But I must return to my roots."

Worried that I might not be convinced by the story so far, the estate agent gets out the violin bow for the final sentence.

"We are merely using our best endeavours to find Mr Miller a home."

Shucks. Is that a bit of grit in my eye? I've misjudged the situation. Perhaps Mr Miller moved to Richmond and took on some very large mortgage. He lost his job and is now without a home. Probably camped out by the Thames in a tent and looking to downsize. By selling him my house, I'd not only be doing myself a favour. I'd be helping society too. David Cameron would approve I'm sure.

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