Friday, March 21, 2008

Concealed identities

If I ever wanted to speak to a television programme off the record, I would never agree to the producer "disguising" my identity while I spoke to camera. This is because most of their efforts at concealing identity are so half-a***d that everyone would recognise you straight away.

Last night, the BBC was talking to an air traffic controller who was blowing the whistle on practices he considered unsafe at London Heathrow. A feeble shadow had been placed over his face, but this wouldn't have been enough to disguise him from the bloke who served him last week in the Costa Coffee at Terminal 2, let alone his former tin-pushing colleagues.

I just wonder how these conversations actually go.

TV RESEARCHER:
"There's no need to worry. We'll disguise your identity."

INTERVIEWEE:
"But I've seen every other TV bulletin where they try to disguise people and it never works. The whole idea is crap."

TV RESEARCHER:
"No, we're different. We'll do it properly. No one will ever know it's you. Promise."

INTERVIEWEE:
"Ok. Can you make me sound a bit like a Dalek?"

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