Monday, May 20, 2013

Heavens above

Writer Fay Weldon has been been talking about her near-death experiences to The Oldie magazine. A former atheist, the 81-year-old author has converted to Christianity in recent years. And who can blame her, given her striking visions of life on the other side?

The pearly gates are, apparently 'garish' in colour, much like a Hindu temple. What's more, they're double-glazed. This could be confirmation that St Peter is particularly concerned with energy efficiency, although my hunch is that it might be more of a sound-proofing exercise, to keep out the hubbub that we create down on this mortal plane. One thing's absolutely certain. It would only be the very finest glass. They'd only fit double glazing once up there, so they'd fit the best, wouldn't they? Everest. Ted Moult passed in 1986 and I'd lay money on that being the date they had the pearly gates done.

And life in the hereafter? What's it like? Majesty beyond conception? 50 miles of elbow room?

Err... not exactly. According to Weldon, who wrote the first-ever episode of the 70s TV show Upstairs Downstairs, there's not much difference above and below stairs. 'Hard work,' she reveals. 'Two steps forward, one step back.'

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