Prisons may soon open wide for dentists

The news today that officials intend to target white-collar tax evaders will be welcomed by anyone with a sense of social justice. After all, it's not only plumbers and roofers who are potentially on the fiddle.

Doctors and dentists are apparently top of the hitlist being drawn up by Revenue & Customs. Initially, there will be a bizarre amnesty in which medics are encouraged to fess up to any untaxed cash they have hidden under an operating table. If they come forward before the end of March, they can cough up and get away with a relatively small fine. Woe betide anyone who fails to comply, however. Serial evaders might end up doing a seven in the Scrubs.

This sounds pretty tough, to be honest. Harold Shipman only got 15 life sentences, after all, and he'd bumped off a couple of hundred old ladies. But issues of fairness aside, what will life be like in clink after a round-up of dental surgeons, gynaecologists and shrinks?

Out in the yard, there's a commotion. Big Rick has produced a blade and taken a hostage. It's Doc. His regular surgery during exercise initially proved to be a big hit with the inmates, but now he's started running late and fobbing people off with paracetamol. Rick's been told that the next available appointment is on Wednesday week and he ain't pleased.

Meanwhile, back on the wing, a bent screw is slipping illegal contraband into the cell of a prominent dermatologist. The 12ft x 6ft space is set up to look like a Harley Street consulting room, so that the consultant feels right at home. "I've got everything you asked for, guv. Apart from them Eumovate-branded post-it notes. Like gold dust, they are. But give me another week..."