Hoffy informs me by txt msg that Patrick Duffy - once renowned as sex symbol Bobby Ewing in Dallas - is now reduced to panto in Guildford. I say reduced, but according to the Mirror's 3am Girls, the Dallas dish is actually clocking up ten large a week.
Altogether now: "Oh no he isn't!"
I'm afraid to say that, yes, he probably is.
Watch this space for news on Britt Ekland's role as a Fairy Godmother in Swindon. And I wish I were joking.