Travelling down to Cornwall on the train, I found myself sitting next to a large Aussie guy, who was proudly wearing a hat sponsored by Fosters and the yellow shirt of his nation’s rugby team. I dozed for a while, as is my habit on long journeys, and woke to find myself slumped over him, much to the amusement of other passengers. I don’t think I can have been in this compromising position for long, as he was watching a bootlegged version of the Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie on his laptop and wouldn’t have tolerated too much disturbance of the film. Unless, of course, he’d become so engrossed that he thought he was in a cinema in downtown Melbourne, getting cosy with his favourite sheila in the back row.
Meanwhile, a British teenager was talking to her mum.
GIRL: "I've gone off the idea of facial piercings now."
MUM: "Thank God for that."
GIRL: "I'm only thinking that I wouldn't want them at my wedding. I will have my belly button done though."