Skip to main content

Doctors and dead neighbours

A couple of great pieces in the g2 section of Monday’s Guardian. In the first, a number of anonymous doctors were asked to spill the beans about the secrets of medical practice. The article included a glossary of jargon. “Rule of five” is apparently a reference to the fact that someone is about to travel to that great infirmary in the sky, where all the angels are…er….angels. It comes from the observation that if you have more than five of your orifices obscured by tubing, you have little chance of survival.

In another spread, a lady called Mary Horsley recalled the thrift that her mother displayed in the years following the Second World War. As well as restricting Mary’s use of Izal toilet paper (a greaseproof product that was still kicking around at my school in the 1970s), her mum used to scrape mould off jam and recycle macaroni in nut roasts. Her crowning glory came after the clearance of the next door property after the death of an elderly neighbour. She found some embroidered name tapes and felt they shouldn’t be wasted, so she looked for someone in the phone directory with the same surname and initials and gave them a call. It’s hard to picture that conversation, isn’t it? “You don’t know me but my neighbour’s just died and I was wondering…”

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Fawlty Towers script? Si, senor!

Ok, so I gave ChatGPT the following scenario: "Imagine a theatrical script for a situation comedy set in a hotel in Torquay, England. The proprietor is called Basil, an eccentric man who believes the calibre of guests to be low. His wife, Sybil, is often frustrated by Basil's incompetence. They employ a Spanish waiter called Manuel, who struggles to understand English. Basil suspects that two guests, who claim to be married, may be lying." Here's what our favourite AI came up with: Scene: The hotel lobby in Torquay, England. Basil is standing behind the reception desk, looking at a piece of paper. Sybil is standing next to him, looking annoyed. Manuel is hovering nearby, trying to look busy. Basil: (to Sybil) I don't know why we get such low-calibre guests at this hotel. Look at these two - Mr. and Mrs. Smith. They claim to be married, but I suspect they might be lying. Sybil: (sighing) Basil, it's not our job to judge the marital status of our guests. Just m...

Becoming a Twister board

I spent yesterday evening in an old factory building off Brick Lane playing kids' games with an organisation called Fun Fed. The idea is that a bunch of adults get together and act like children for a couple of hours. We played tag and stuck big coloured discs on ourselves so that we could become human Twister mats. There was an awful lot of running around and I was thinking that I ought to get to aikido a bit more often. Being a child is very hard work.

It's been a tough year. Let's give ourselves a clap.

If something didn’t smell right about the UK handling of the pandemic, the British public was never going to notice. But they knew that if they couldn’t smell something, they really ought to get a Covid test sent to them in the post. There has been something incredibly British about the DIY swabs and their delivery via the gig-economy workers of Amazon, hasn’t there? Touch of corona? I’ll pop something in the post to you. Should be with you tomorrow. I suppose it was inevitable that we’d need some new kind of system. After all, the coronavirus outbreak was the first thing in the history of the NHS that couldn’t be cured by paracetamol, rest and plenty of fluids. This understandably left GPs flummoxed and anxious. The UK decided pretty early on that if you were ill with a novel pathogen – which proved deadly in maybe 1% of cases – you really shouldn’t go to the doctor. You should STAY AT HOME and spread it quickly to your flatmates or family members. And because they were now at ...