The Queen apparently doesn't like policemen pilfering her nuts. In fact, the ageing monarch has taken to marking her bowls at Buckingham Palace to ensure that none of the Royal Brazils go missing.
One does sympathise, Your Majesty. When one's worked hard for everything one has, it must be galling to see it snatched away from one. Especially in times of austerity.
Why, only the other day, Princess Michael was telling us just how bad things have got.
"I love easyJet," she said. "It’s the only direct route to Biarritz."
She actually said it. Those very words. Every satirist and would-be parody merchant might as well back their bags now.