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Joan of Arc, the aliens and the Eagles

If aliens ever needed somewhere to land their craft in London, I wouldn't rule out Selhurst Park. Although the home of Crystal Palace FC seems an unlikely destination for any intelligent extraterrestrial life form, the little green men seem to take a keen interest in the fate of the struggling Barclays Premier League side. Well, that's if you believe Stephany Cohen at least.

According to a report in the Metro, this keen Eagles fan (who claims to have been Joan of Arc in a previous life) is in regular contact with travellers from outer space. They have assured her that Palace will 'klingon' to top-flight status if Tony Pulis can focus on his defence, which the aliens believe - on rather limited evidence, it has to be said - to be his 'forte'.

I think it's quite conceivable that if there's no sign of improvement in the New Year, the spacemen might start abducting players to their mother ship and giving them a bit of a rollicking.

'Mr Moxey, we are permitting you two of your earth weeks to turn your performance around. The next game is a real six-pointer."



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