And it's goodnight from the Express...

Reading the Daily Express yesterday at my health club was an invigorating experience. A double-page spread was given over to a call for the return of National Service and the paper provided commentary from a number of celebrities who'd done their own square-bashing back in the 50s and 60s.

One of the ex-squaddies was none other than Ronnie Corbett of Two Ronnies fame. Just as well a war didn't kick off when he was in uniform. You can imagine how he would have put the fear of God into the enemy, can't you? Were there really no height restrictions? Given that you could get an exemption for flat feet or by pretending that you couldn't see the optician's board, it all seems a little bit odd.

I'm now imagining Ron's capture and interrogation by a KGB official.

"We need to know the details of your service in the British forces, Mr Corbett."

"Service? Well, it's strange you should mention that. Because the standard of service in the BBC canteen has really gone downhill recently. In fact, the other day, an Englishman, an Irishman and a Russian were all trying to get served, when..."

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A Fawlty Towers script? Si, senor!

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WASHED AND READY TO EAT

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