WASHED AND READY TO EAT

Although the minis are at an age when they're more than capable of making their own breakfasts, they don't. They still expect their poor old parents to wait on them hand and foot in the morning, serving up bowls of cereal and slices of toast as if we're hard-pressed proprietors of a Tourist Board endorsed B&B. Sometimes we try to sneak our own breakfasts before serving the kids. Mrs W calls this the 'oxygen mask principle'. Make sure you've fitted your own mask before offering assistance to anyone else.

Wandering around one of the local secondary schools with a view to furthering the education of mini-W1, Mrs W and I were very struck by the curriculum. GCSE Food was not something on offer in our day. Neither, for that matter, was 'Music of the 80s' - a topic offered as part of a GCSE course alongside baroque. "Ok, class. Open your books at page 24. Today we'll be looking at Howard Jones."

Mini-W1 was talking to me about paint samples the other day, as she is thinking about decorating her room at the new Woodford Towers we're in the process of buying. She was describing the brilliant, pristine environments associated with dental surgeries and suggested the name 'Clinic White'. I wonder if any paint company already uses this?

According to the on-bottle blurb, Domestos offers me 24-hour protection against 'flying toilet rim germs'. I prefer to shoot the little blighters. 'Germs at 10 o'clock high! Scramble!'