tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-306598022024-03-07T01:18:06.852-08:00WASHED AND READY TO EATThis ephemera should reach you in perfect condition. In the unlikely event that you find one of these blog entries to be damaged in any way - or past its sell-by date - please don't hesitate to contact @philwoodford on Twitter.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1011125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-24725480287701758972022-12-30T16:05:00.003-08:002022-12-30T16:06:56.533-08:00A Fawlty Towers script? Si, senor!<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ok, so I gave ChatGPT the following scenario:</span></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Imagine a theatrical script for a situation comedy set in a hotel in Torquay, England. The proprietor is called Basil, an eccentric man who believes the calibre of guests to be low. His wife, Sybil, is often frustrated by Basil's incompetence. They employ a Spanish waiter called Manuel, who struggles to understand English. Basil suspects that two guests, who claim to be married, may be lying."</i></span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here's what our favourite AI came up <a style="color: #385898; cursor: pointer;" tabindex="-1"></a>with:</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Scene: The hotel lobby in Torquay, England. Basil is standing behind the reception desk, looking at a piece of paper. Sybil is standing next to him, looking annoyed. Manuel is hovering nearby, trying to look busy.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Basil: (to Sybil) I don't know why we get such low-calibre guests at this hotel. Look at these two - Mr. and Mrs. Smith. They claim to be married, but I suspect they might be lying.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sybil: (sighing) Basil, it's not our job to judge the marital status of our guests. Just make sure they pay their bill on time and leave a good review.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Basil: (shrugging) I suppose you're right. I'll have Manuel keep an eye on them and report back to me if he sees anything suspicious.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Manuel: (nodding) Si, senor. I will be very discreet.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sybil: (rolling her eyes) Manuel, do you even know what "discreet" means?</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Manuel: (puzzled) Uh, es una palabra muy grande y no la entiendo muy bien...</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sybil: (exasperated) Never mind, Manuel. Just do your best.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(The sound of a door slamming is heard offstage.)</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Basil: (perking up) Ah, speaking of our suspicious guests - I think they're back from their outing.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sybil: (sighing) Great. Let's hope they don't cause any more problems.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Mr. and Mrs. Smith enter the lobby, looking harried.)</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mr. Smith: (to Basil) Excuse me, but do you have any recommendations for a good restaurant in the area? We're in the mood for something romantic.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Basil: (sneering) I doubt you two would know romance if it hit you in the face.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sybil: (elbowing Basil) Basil!</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Basil: (clearing his throat) Ah, yes. Well, there are several excellent restaurants in the area. I recommend the seafood place down the street - it has a lovely ambiance.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mrs. Smith: (smiling) Thank you. We'll definitely check it out.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Basil and Sybil exchange a wary look as Mr. and Mrs. Smith exit the lobby.)</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Basil: (to Manuel) Keep an eye on those two. I have a feeling they're up to something.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Manuel: (nodding) Si, senor. I will be very discreet.</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Sybil rolls her eyes and heads offstage, muttering to herself.)</span></div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto"><span style="font-family: inherit;">End scene.</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-77705375141468278032020-12-30T06:48:00.000-08:002020-12-30T06:48:18.209-08:00It's been a tough year. Let's give ourselves a clap.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKk8862Uy03lS56oVYzS8ZUMfKP4LZYpFHStkLnsTjskbWx7U03Q1Os0uC2oZP32hFipJGDYqWfK_yUj1h-C91tbwNoaIUTV_GdXUfcPcpayGept22oRCaE76y9vHOdFbFR_fUEg/s2048/Corona+picture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKk8862Uy03lS56oVYzS8ZUMfKP4LZYpFHStkLnsTjskbWx7U03Q1Os0uC2oZP32hFipJGDYqWfK_yUj1h-C91tbwNoaIUTV_GdXUfcPcpayGept22oRCaE76y9vHOdFbFR_fUEg/s320/Corona+picture.jpg" /></a></div><p>If something didn’t smell right about the UK handling of the
pandemic, the British public was never going to notice. But they knew that if they
couldn’t smell something, they really ought to get a Covid test sent to them in
the post.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There has been something incredibly British about the DIY swabs
and their delivery via the gig-economy workers of Amazon, hasn’t there? Touch
of corona? I’ll pop something in the post to you. Should be with you tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I suppose it was inevitable that we’d need some new kind of
system. After all, the coronavirus outbreak was the first thing in the history
of the NHS that couldn’t be cured by paracetamol, rest and plenty of fluids.
This understandably left GPs flummoxed and anxious.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The UK decided pretty early on that if you were ill with a
novel pathogen – which proved deadly in maybe 1% of cases – you really <i>shouldn’t</i>
go to the doctor. You should STAY AT HOME and spread it quickly to your flatmates
or family members. And because they were now at risk, they should STAY AT HOME
too.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In fact, as cases started to mount, we said f*** it. Everyone
should STAY AT HOME.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We did venture out once a day for some exercise, without any
of the paperwork and bureaucracy required by the officious French across the
Channel. But it <i>was</i> just the once. Woe betide anyone caught by a
neighbour heading off for a second outing. No one likes a grass, but really the
authorities should get to hear about that kind of thing.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the affluent suburbs of London, anyone claiming to be
heading to Waitrose could easily be challenged if they didn’t have their canvas
bags for life with them. Dead giveaway,
that. Tell it to the judge, mate.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At least in London, we adapted well to social distancing.
Genome sequencing in the Covid labs showed that distance genes were hard-wired
into the DNA profile of every resident in the capital from birth. What’s one
stage better than blanking everyone on the tube? Not having to go on the
freaking tube in the first place and blanking them on Teams!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Much harder for Londoners was the clapping business. This
involved standing on a doorstep in full view of your neighbours and making a sentimental
declaration of support for people who were living a much more worthy and
dangerous life than you. It didn’t come easy. And once you started, how did
anyone know when to stop? I mean, it must be two minutes by now, surely? <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Where’s number 172? Trust them not to care about the doctors,
the miserable bastards.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The messaging surrounding the pandemic has, of course, been
Orwellian – not only in its hands-face-space sloganising, but also in its
180-degree about-turns. Useless masks were for wimps. Until they weren’t. Pubs
and restaurants were places to be avoided. Until they were Covid-secure and we
could Eat Out to Help Out. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The UK is the kind of country where we believe that if
someone puts a sticker on the door of a building, it must be safe. A bit like with
those food hygiene ratings. 5 means you can eat off the floor, 4 means you won’t
get food poisoning and 3 means the owner didn’t check what rating they got
before they slapped the thing in the window.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">‘Is that a rat running around, Anna?’<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">‘No darling, it can’t be. This place is a five.’<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am genuinely surprised we haven’t seen Covid ratings yet. My
suggestion is bronze, silver, gold and platinum.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If a bar is in the platinum category, the workers will be in
full PPE and tequila shots will be fed to you inside a plastic tent. In bronze,
people sign a book at the door and promise to cover their mouth when they
cough.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you visited the Covid-secure bar, you might of course be
in a bubble. Or a household. Or you might be a household mixing with a bubble.
Or maybe a special Christmas bubble, unless you were unfortunate enough to be
re-tiered at the last minute.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Keir Starmer made a classic British observation before the
festivities, in which he said the tiers clearly weren’t working because so many
people were in the higher ones. Honestly, Sir Keir, that really isn’t a problem
in England, as we can quickly create tiers that are even higher. And then more
people are in the lower ones again! Michael Gove will no doubt approve of the
logic, having once remarked that he wanted every school in the country to be above
average.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Of course, there is a drawback. Once we have a Tier 5, you
can bet Nicola Sturgeon will want a Tier 6 to prevent the spread of the English
variant.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Nope, nothing about 2020 has smelled right. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Let’s hope for a complete reset in 2021. Olfactory settings.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p><br /></p><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-34965127854080551082019-11-11T04:32:00.001-08:002019-11-11T04:32:33.770-08:00We've lost that loving feline<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOMvKfTAhNAMptYt87iQVmlK4eSbpBCcAe1xV9EzsusabG3OycucVRg69Ea6TTUcu3jFrxKK__QwUd8DTNzaWebvhm0DQSW0uwwBPmw4KtUKrB1CmBZSzomzacpo4nS7xiLXjtcA/s1600/NSNQ5548.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOMvKfTAhNAMptYt87iQVmlK4eSbpBCcAe1xV9EzsusabG3OycucVRg69Ea6TTUcu3jFrxKK__QwUd8DTNzaWebvhm0DQSW0uwwBPmw4KtUKrB1CmBZSzomzacpo4nS7xiLXjtcA/s400/NSNQ5548.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
If you exclude Caractacus - a small fish given to me as a present in my early 20s (complete with bowl) - I'd never had a pet before Lil.<br />
<br />
This rescue cat was a lovely little creature, but never one for sitting in someone's lap. Perhaps her early experiences had taught her to be wary around humans. But over time, there was plenty of affectionate marking, nudging and purring, as she grew to know and love the members of the family.<br />
<br />
A poisoning incident affected her kidneys back in 2016. We still don't know what it was she ate or drank, but ultimately it's led to a very hard decision today. We agreed that to stop her suffering - and because of a fairly obvious deterioration - that it was better for the vet to put her to sleep. She died very peacefully. I cried a lot more than I anticipated.<br />
<br />
Earlier this year, Lil had benefited from a couple of days on a drip and then seemed to get a new lease of life. But just over a month ago, she had to spend a whole week as an in-patient to achieve the same effect. And unfortunately, on this occasion, the recovery was very short-lived. Her kidneys were getting progressively worse and what was described to me as a 'poor man's dialysis' was no longer going to do the trick.<br />
<br />
So, Lil, here are a few of the things I'll particularly remember about you:<br />
<br />
(1) The weird noise you made when you sighted avian prey. A sort of slightly manic clicking sound, which you never made in any other context.<br />
<br />
(2) The way you sat with me while I worked on the desktop computer in my bedroom, often purring contentedly on a window ledge or occasionally jumping up to encourage me to feed you.<br />
<br />
(3) The fact you never realised your cat flap and the front door led to the same location. You could never understand how two exits at 90 degrees to one another could arrive in the same place, could you?<br />
<br />
(4) The weird noise you made when you brought in mice. A kind of demented yeooowwling sound which made my heart sink.<br />
<br />
(5) The fact that you once followed me half a mile to a parade of shops, waited patiently outside while I did my errands and then followed me home.<br />
<br />
(6) The time you made me jump out of my skin by carrying in a magpie.<br />
<br />
(7) The trick you performed when we first brought you home and you were confined to a particular room. Do you remember lying on the floor on your back and sticking your paw under the door to lever it open? Inventive.<br />
<br />
(8) The weird noise frogs made when you brought them in. They screeched. And they were harder for me to deal with than birds or mice, because they moved in every conceivable direction on multiple planes. Up, down, left, right. You never ate them, but liked to lick them.<br />
<br />
(9) The way you used to follow Mrs W to work and end up a kilometre away from home. Eventually, you'd stop, go no further and howl. We'd find you later in the day in the same place. You always thought it was better to wait there for us to come back, didn't you?<br />
<br />
(10) The effect you had on everyone at the vet's and the fact that they referred to me as your dad.<br />
<br />
RIP, little girl. You're now scratching where the carpets are plush velour.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-80817880536664047792018-05-24T13:40:00.002-07:002018-05-28T10:51:14.854-07:00'No, Trump is writing this one himself. It will be the best letter...'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTW-hJgDIVuKBDchvzdvOf7Gu1mxjb4aB55wuehRrTtKo1ultfU7d4Fu-50Kg2088yLO9HxWPTxBlwG8qDUT4ITzoKfeaKOUba4ZHoMEWZb3-kmOVA-5acojCt7M8FNFhfuI7WGA/s1600/Trump+Kim+letter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="849" data-original-width="624" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTW-hJgDIVuKBDchvzdvOf7Gu1mxjb4aB55wuehRrTtKo1ultfU7d4Fu-50Kg2088yLO9HxWPTxBlwG8qDUT4ITzoKfeaKOUba4ZHoMEWZb3-kmOVA-5acojCt7M8FNFhfuI7WGA/s320/Trump+Kim+letter.jpg" width="235" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The letter from Donald Trump to Kim Jong-Un, which cancels
the leaders’ proposed summit in Singapore, will certainly go down in the political
annals. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of course, it’s entirely possible that commentators will
remember it as a prelude to some catastrophic conflict on the Korean peninsula.
If we’re honest, it may signal the end of a brief window, early in 2018, when people
naively thought that war might be averted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I sincerely hope it doesn’t have such grave historic
significance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But as a copywriter, I can weep a thousand tears without a
single shot being fired in anger.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">What’s extraordinary about the text is that it’s clear
Trump actually </span><i style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">played a major part in
writing it</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">. We can tell because it is so atrociously and bizarrely
constructed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There can be few jurisdictions in the modern world where
Presidents and Prime Ministers still draft their own correspondence. And if
your President was one Donald J Trump, you’d sure as hell keep him the f***
away from Microsoft Word. I mean Twitter’s bad enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The guy can’t even get the left-hand justification right in
the address at the top. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If only he could afford a secretary. I’m sure Vladimir
Putin would happily supply some candidates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Anyway, there are two fundamental levels of critique that I
would offer in relation to this bizarre letter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The first would be about the weird oscillation between
fawning praise for the tubby Korean dictator and vehement criticism.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The letter starts by generously congratulating Kim for the ‘time,
patience and effort’ that he’s put into negotiations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Within a couple of sentences, Trump is denouncing him for
the ‘tremendous anger and open hostility’ of his recent statements.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">In the next paragraph, the 45</span><sup style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> US President is
waxing sentimentally about the ‘wonderful dialogue’ that had been built up with
his North Korean counterpart and the ‘beautiful gesture’ of releasing hostages.
But this comes after Trump has prayed that he’d never have to use his ‘massive
and powerful’ nuclear arsenal on his erstwhile pal in Pyongyang.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The letter from Washington reveals a love-hate
relationship. It veers faster than one of Kim’s rockets between the
nauseatingly sycophantic and obsequious through to the downright deranged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">My second concern is over just how badly written it is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That second sentence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘We
were informed that the meeting was requested by North Korea, but that to us is
totally irrelevant.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Eh?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What the hell is he talking about? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That sentence is totally irrelevant, Donald.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘Therefore,
please let this letter serve to represent, that the Singapore summit, for the
good of both parties, but to the detriment of the world, will not take place.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Let’s leave aside the fact that the construction of this
sentence is both pathetically grandiose and clumsy as hell. How can something which
is to the detriment of the whole world be to the benefit of the US and North
Korea? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘If
you do change your mind having to do with this most important summit, please do
not hesitate to call me or write.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">WTAF?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m going to let the ‘change-your-mind-having-to-do-with’
stuff wash over me, as I don’t want to up my blood pressure meds. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trump</i> is
cancelling the meeting, not Kim. So what exactly is Kim supposed to be changing
his mind about?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The casual tone of this sign-off paragraph gives the
impression that an old buddy has cried off on a golfing tournament. Trump is a
bit annoyed that his mate now claims to be too busy for 18 holes at Mar-a-Lago.
But he’s magnanimous about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘Ok, well if you change your mind, give me a call…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Perhaps Kim will drop a message in the deranged dictators’
group chat in the next day or two?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m certainly eagerly anticipating Kim’s reply. And I’ll
bet you 10 bucks it’s in better English.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-23964334833969021192018-03-11T15:55:00.000-07:002018-03-11T15:56:36.544-07:00Nerve agents? No sweat. Get the baby wipes out.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There is
something so bizarrely British about the health response to the assassination
attempt in Salisbury on former spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia. A
week after the event, everyone who was in the vicinity of the deadly nerve
agent has been urged to wash their personal possessions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now, let’s
think this through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">This
chemical was so toxic that it left two people fighting for their lives. A
police officer involved in the early response was also hospitalised and made
severely ill by it. The table in the restaurant visited by Sergei and Julia was
reportedly so contaminated that it had to be destroyed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But if you
happened to be nearby – perhaps even dining in the same part of the restaurant
sometime after the unfortunate victims departed – no need to worry. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Run a baby wipe over your phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A week
later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What about
clothes? The Chief Medical Officer Sally Davies recommends washing them. In a
washing machine preferably, she says. Err… as opposed to the old-fashioned
handwash and mangle still favoured by the backward denizens of this sleepy cathedral
town? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Dry clean
only? No problem. Just stick a couple of layers of plastic around the clothes
and await further instructions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s astonishing to contrast the military personnel in
biohazard suits wandering around Salisbury with the barmy and utterly useless
advice being given to members of the general public. But it sums up the whole
weird relationship of the NHS to pathogens, toxins and other deadly threats. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The British response is always not to worry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A touch of Ebola? I remember my local surgery advising
patients who thought they might have been affected while travelling overseas to
inform the staff at reception and get them to call some helpline on their behalf.
And try to avoid touching anything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Remember Pauline Cafferkey, the British nurse who contracted
the killer disease? When she had a relapse, <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/11925058/Doctors-failed-to-spot-Ebola-nurse-Pauline-Cafferkey-had-fallen-ill-again.html">she went to an out-of-hours clinic in Glasgow</a> and was told to return home, as she probably just had some regular
virus. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s hard to imagine that conversation, isn’t it? Someone
arrives saying that she’s the nurse who caught Ebola recently and has been all
over the news, but she’s told her current condition is probably nothing to
worry about. A bit of bed rest and paracetamol and she’ll be fine in a day or
two.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To some, this extraordinarily British approach to medical
matters is perhaps one of the things that gives the UK its endearing charm. But
I suspect it’s small comfort to restaurant-goers in Salisbury.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 87.8pt;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-24187592227124987332017-03-03T00:56:00.002-08:002017-03-03T00:58:31.628-08:00Pret and Brexit. It's all about attitude.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">At one
level, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/bbc-question-time-pret-coffee-brexit_uk_58b91536e4b0d2821b4d0d8c">the woman on BBC <i>Question Time</i></a> who expressed concerns about who was
going to make her post-Brexit coffee at Pret was rather silly. She should have
realised that her comment was going to paint her as a pampered and affluent
London Remoaner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s an easy
trap to fall into.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I remember
being in the audience 25 years ago for one of those terrible daytime TV
discussion shows – <i>Kilroy </i>or <i>The Time The Place</i> or similar – and we were
discussing childcare. Some lady started prattling on about nannies and I had to
remind her that this wasn’t actually most people’s experience of childcare
arrangements.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So the message
is clear: think before you open your mouth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">On the other
hand, you can’t help feeling the Pret lady had a pretty valid point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Virtually no
one, as far as I can tell, who works in frontline hospitality in London comes
from the UK. Many will be citizens of other EU countries and have the name
badges with the flags to prove it. These are indeed the people who serve us
coffees and sandwiches, wait at tables in restaurants and staff the reception
desks in hotels.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So at an economic
and practical level, she is right on the money. And that money is probably
Euros rather than pounds sterling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But the
reaction to her comments also revealed something about the Brexit divide in the
UK. It’s not just about class and age and location, although all those factors
are important. It’s about attitude.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Remainers go
to Pret to get their snacks and caffeine fix. Brexiters believe in packed
lunches and Swiss Nescaf</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">é</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">. And I would stress this is not
necessarily because they are poorer. I mean even the wealthier, middle-class
Brexiters would eschew a lot of the modern coffee shops and sandwich bars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They would say
they were too expensive and a waste of money, but they’d happily pay for
membership of their local golf club or have a splurge at the DIY store at the
weekend. They’d shell out hundreds a month so that they could have a better car
than their neighbours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Middle-class
Brexiters have a different attitude to life. They have different priorities. If
they had money, they wouldn’t spend it on exotic-sounding coffees in fashionable
parts of London or care about the people who served them. They’d put the money
away for that cruise they had their eye on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Before the
referendum, I remember having an argument with an older Leave supporter, who
lives in an affluent middle-class London suburb. I told him that I had applied
for an Irish passport to retain my right to live and work in Europe. His blank
expression told me that he couldn’t understand why anyone would want such a
right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I reckon he
doesn’t go to Pret.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-13190140614004399442016-11-30T02:39:00.000-08:002016-11-30T02:41:00.145-08:00Extra Texture<div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyXuZ8-aTN70vd4Oe-286rVO5g3hGrAIwDMPg5UtA6ErkgBTQBHYeOZ2bTKlRBocXMBsNw_c9wDqUpey7QroTukd1M3lofioSMplZg1jIzRoPRva8Ic2dIaHZ_lnTZzCFqgpjadA/I/photo_834662.jpg" border="0" class="bloggoimg"></div>It's difficult to know what to make of this claim from celebrity chef Jamie Oliver. He adds greater texture to his pasta so that it 'holds more sauce'. <div><br></div><div>This begs a number of questions:<div><br></div><div>Does more sauce really cling to his enhanced pasta?</div><div><br></div><div>Is sauce being clingy really such a good thingy?</div><div><br></div><div>And if the sauce weren't 'held' by the pasta, what disaster would befall the diner? </div><div><br></div><div>Surely they could just spoon it up from the plate or lick their bowl clean?</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br><div><br></div><div><br><div><br></div><div><br><br> </div></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-25923147684261628182016-11-06T04:34:00.001-08:002016-11-06T04:38:54.188-08:00Which way to the Athlete's Foot powder? Only answer if you can pass a psychometric test.If you were a retail store, how fussy would you be about who worked as an assistant on the shop floor?<br />
<br />
I reckon you're entitled to be choosy. After all, you probably have quite a few applicants. And these people are going to be ambassadors for your business and have direct contact with your customers.<br />
<br />
So would you be interested in a personable young woman, who's just started in the Sixth Form and is looking for a Saturday job? Someone who got eight A*s at GCSE, is currently studying for A-Levels and is bright and ambitious? A person who has already gained shop experience on a voluntary basis with a charity and has direct experience of retail customer service?<br />
<br />
Given that she'd be working for minimum wage, I'd say this was a pretty good deal, wouldn't you?<br />
<br />
But when one of my daughters recently applied for a part-time role advertised at Boots, she couldn't even get an interview. Why? She was rejected on the basis of bizarre online tests.<br />
<br />
The first set of questions were built around particular scenarios in store and how someone might react. The way my daughter describes them, the multiple-choice answers were often weird and pre-supposed some kind of knowledge of the protocols of the store. Whether you would leave a till, for instance, in order to help a customer find something they needed. Or whether you would call across the store to colleagues in other situations.<br />
<br />
It seems to me that in the abstract, there are no 'right' or 'wrong' answers in situations such as this. It might depend on a variety of factors: the agreed policies of the shop; the number of people employed; the number of customers in the store at the time; and the proximity of the things shoppers are looking for.<br />
<br />
And then there were a load of the psychometric-style questions beloved of HR people and headshrinks. You know the kind of thing. 'Which of these statements best describes you?'<br />
<br />
Usually these tests result in some kind of blanket profile, such as 'resistant to change' or 'eager to please others'. Maybe there's something in this type of test if an applicant is about to embark on a graduate career at multinational bank or local council, but - forgive me - they are entirely irrelevant when your job is telling people they can get a free packet of crisps as part of a Meal Deal.<br />
<br />
Apparently, my daughter cannot reapply to Boots within the next year. She tells me that she wouldn't bother anyway. More interestingly, she tells me that she might not shop there any more. Which I would argue is food for thought for the Marketing Department as well as Personnel.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-26059515913683045832016-09-29T02:54:00.001-07:002016-09-29T02:55:40.521-07:00Tempted by tube chat? Here are my top tips to avoid getting sucked in.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqLX8qW7qxbZdkjb0MGN1iiaFnrcMGgivyJKbsd4uU-zu3u6Xsa9K4dO9T0MBmVYtthigMtaSjBeJr46XhPqK9Ya9xrtb9GYO3wtKTFyCLz1MF1Msb9Zwudk2w7tcR8rtkrqbi2A/s1600/tube-chat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqLX8qW7qxbZdkjb0MGN1iiaFnrcMGgivyJKbsd4uU-zu3u6Xsa9K4dO9T0MBmVYtthigMtaSjBeJr46XhPqK9Ya9xrtb9GYO3wtKTFyCLz1MF1Msb9Zwudk2w7tcR8rtkrqbi2A/s640/tube-chat.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
The decision by Transport for London to encourage people to talk to each other on the tube has met with understandable derision from citizens of the Smoke.<br />
<br />
The first rule of the UK capital - and the very glue that holds together its social fabric - is that no one makes conversation. Or eye contact preferably.<br />
<br />
If you are feeling remotely tempted to wear one of the new badges that signals your willingness to engage in idle banter ('Baby, I'm Bored'), here are some suggestions to help suppress your urges. It's a process a Hampstead psychotherapist would call sublimation and it can come in very useful.<br />
<br />
1.<br />
Isn't there another level of Candy Crush you could aim for?<br />
<br />
2.<br />
If that's not your type of crush, go back and and re-read Rush Hour Crush in the <i>Metro</i>.<br />
<br />
3.<br />
See if you can find a mouse on the platform or tracks. Hold a conversation with them instead.<br />
<br />
4.<br />
Ostentatiously do your make-up - a process which can often last quite happily from Theydon Bois to Liverpool Street.<br />
<br />
5.<br />
Recite to yourself all the stops on the District Line between Turnham Green and Plaistow.<br />
<br />
6.<br />
Practise making general announcements to the carriage about the train being held in the station to regulate the service.<br />
<br />
7.<br />
Dial one of your Skype contacts at random using the subterranean wifi network and explain that no one in the carriage is interested in talking to you.<br />
<br />
8.<br />
Close your eyes and indulge in a little meditation. We'll wake you up at Morden.<br />
<br />
9.<br />
Take physical exercise by swinging on the straps and handrails in the carriage. People will ignore you and carry on playing Candy Crush.<br />
<br />
10.<br />
Pull the emergency cord and talk to the British Transport Police at the next stop.<br />
<br />
If all else fails, get yourself as far North as possible. Talking there is perfectly acceptable. But I'm talking way beyond Colindale.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-9655401255521227452016-09-04T02:22:00.000-07:002016-09-04T02:24:30.251-07:00Saint Jeremy? We may have to wait a while yet.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip_pXBArOSMBs7aGwtksDSFQXugDMsiU-WjhsM_7MA71KPF6OmaAi5Hvx4tjmZ7-uSnu33NsXSir_P0aZbePcGx1PCwm6zREkW_99l8rV0KHi9nA6G8WJMePcsOEQ-KPxiUXQi7w/s1600/Jez+sainthood.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip_pXBArOSMBs7aGwtksDSFQXugDMsiU-WjhsM_7MA71KPF6OmaAi5Hvx4tjmZ7-uSnu33NsXSir_P0aZbePcGx1PCwm6zREkW_99l8rV0KHi9nA6G8WJMePcsOEQ-KPxiUXQi7w/s640/Jez+sainthood.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Mother Teresa
of Calcutta is in the news at the moment, as she’s been elevated by the Vatican
to sainthood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I admit that
I’m not fully up to speed with the criteria for canonisation, so I’ve visited
the <a href="http://www.dummies.com/religion/christianity/catholicism/saints-for-dummies-cheat-sheet/">Saints for Dummies web page </a>to check whether Jeremy Corbyn also qualifies. (It’s
written by a couple of priests, so it must be kosher.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">My mission
has been prompted by the way in which some of Jez’s loyal supporters talk about
him online.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Take this
example, for instance, of someone writing to the bizarre Corbynista blog <i>Vox Political</i> and comparing the
Islington North MP to the author J K Rowling. The Harry Potter author is noted
as having the ‘Judas Trait’ about her, which stands in stark contrast to the
Labour Leader. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The
correspondent notes that Mr Corbyn is a man ‘who did not let fame go to his
head and instead, rather than paying lip service to human suffering, was
actually willing to do something to alleviate it’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s
certainly a touching portrait of an individual prepared to go the extra mile. To me, it has a saintly quality about it, as
God knows I wouldn’t be able to aspire to these standards.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But is it
enough for actual, proper canonisation? That’s a whole other question and we’ll
come back to it in just a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">First, I
want travel to Ramsgate in Kent, a place where Jez has apparently just received
a rapturous welcome. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Very
confusing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Was it
ram-packed, like traingate? Or was it... err... just Ramsgate? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Anyway, the
rally was advertised under the visionary slogan, ‘Another Thanet is possible’.
And as the veteran socialist has lived on another Thanet for the past 40 years,
that seemed strangely appropriate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Commenting
on the event, one of Jez’s fans on Facebook described him as ‘inspirational’
and she also told us that the sun came out while he spoke. I wasn’t sure whether there might be some
causal connection between the two phenomena. If so, it’s the kind of thing that
I reckon a Papal team of enquiry might take into account.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And what
about musical tributes? My thinking is that before you become a saint, you’d
have people singing your praises. Literally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There’s
plenty of evidence that people do feel strongly enough about Jeremy to burst
into song. Some are <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzn4S_TseS4">worthy individual efforts</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In the
spirit of communality and camaraderie engendered by Jez, however, the Unison
branch of Barnet in north London has created <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8YyMm3AKXQ">a touching collective foot-tapper</a>– presumably with the blessing of The Specials.</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But enough
of my homespun speculation. I am no theologian, after all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Rev John
Tregilio Jr and Rev Kenneth Brighenti are the experts. And they tell us that
the first thing to bear in mind, when considering whether someone is eligible
for sainthood, is that they don’t have to be ‘sinless’. That’s impossible
apparently. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Good news
for Jez, as it means that all that stuff about the IRA and Hamas and Hezbollah
and so on can be set to one side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Corbyn is
also on strong ground – judging by the testimony of his supporters – for
another of the Reverend Fathers’ criteria: ‘evidence of having led an exemplary
life of goodness and virtue worthy of imitation’. Things are looking up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Here’s an
interesting one. You can be considered for sainthood if you have ‘undergone a
major conversion of heart where a previous immoral life is abandoned and
replaced by one of outstanding holiness’.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hmm. Well, Jez did have a major change of heart on
the EU. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He supported
it 0 out of 10 in the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s and 2000s. But he’d got up to 7 out
of 10 during the 2016 Brexit referendum. Does that count?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Fundamentally,
however, it seems to come down to miracles. You need a couple of them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">His victory
in the 2015 Labour leadership contest was obviously the first, which qualifies
him for potential beatification. He
needs another though. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If he
performed the same trick twice, would that be seen as cheating? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Regrettably,
we are confronted with what seems to be an insurmountable obstacle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The miracles
are judged <i>post-mortem</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In other
words, it’s simply not possible to be elevated to sainthood while you’re still
alive and kicking. The fact that your political philosophy may have died in,
say, 1986 doesn’t count. You have to physically brown bread yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So those who
hope for Saint Jeremy to be recognised may have to wait until long after his
second term in office, which would finish in 2030. Then, at the age of 81, he’d
possibly have another 15 years of blissful retirement on his allotment, while
John McDonnell took over. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">No calls to
the Vatican until, say, 2045.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-28784854016978279942016-08-25T16:43:00.000-07:002016-08-25T16:43:55.811-07:00The sit-down protest that doesn't stand up<div class="MsoNormal">
Traingate is the kind of political flashpoint that has all
the hallmarks of a peculiarly British farce. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition camps out on
the floor of a Virgin carriage making a propaganda film about nationalising the
railways. He claims his predicament is due to overcrowding, but the billionaire
entrepreneur who owns the train company (and presumably doesn’t much like the
idea of nationalisation) releases CCTV footage to show that there were, in
fact, empty seats.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And from that starting point, what’s our ultimate
destination? Who the hell knows? But we have all kinds of fantastic station
stops to visit along the way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps the empty seats were reserved? Maybe they had bags
on them? Or young kids? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It may have been that Jez was keen to spend time with Mrs
Corbyn III, but couldn’t find a double berth in which to chit-chat about his
anti-austerity policies.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The train, according to Mr Corbyn, was ‘ram packed’. But
when aides tried to contact him about the media hullabaloo surrounding the
journey, he was reportedly unobtainable because he was making jam. So maybe the
train was, in fact, jam packed?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The most mysterious thing to me is why – if the sainted JC
is leading some mass popular movement, as his supporters claim – no one chose
to give up their seat to the aged Islington North MP. Come on now, Virgin passengers.
This is a poor show. An elderly man has entered the carriage and seems to have
reservations about sitting down. You, on the other hand, have reservations
allowing you to sit down. What do you do? Let him go and camp out in the
vestibule area? Honestly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Someone needs to explain the rules of the train world to
Jezza. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If a reserved passenger hasn’t turned up, then you can sit
down. After all, they’re not suddenly going to appear just south of Doncaster
and kick up a fuss, are they? And if they do, you just tell them you have a
massive mandate and it’s an impertinence for them to challenge you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the future, you can always book in advance. Get a seat
for yourself, the Mrs and any friends. Although preferably not the ones from
Hamas or Hezbollah.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a hunch that #traingate will be remembered long after
Chilcot’s 2.6 million words on the Iraq War are forgotten. On second thoughts, Chilcot’s 2.6 million
words had probably been forgotten before #traingate. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
With this one, Corbyn is ahead of Ed Miliband. He’s bypassed
the bacon sandwich in the buffet and gone straight for the kitchen that wasn’t
a kitchen. It’s the sit-down protest that just doesn’t stand up. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-79016584474105173672016-08-21T15:21:00.001-07:002016-08-21T15:31:12.354-07:00En quête d'authenticité<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">I remember
visiti<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>ng Gruyères in Switzerland some years ago – home to
that rather tasty cheese you can buy in upmarket stores. It was an
extraordinarily well-preserved medieval town, crammed with history and atmosphere.
But somehow or other, it had managed to transform itself into a theme park,
complete with shops selling toy cows that yodelled when you pressed a button.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">It would be
a little harsh to say that Èze – a heavily-marketed village in southern France
– has enveloped itself in Swiss cheese too. But it’s surely just a yodel away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The
tumbling, ramshackled and ancient streets spiral around a hill. It’s a little
like a miniature version of the neighbouring Principality of Monaco, as no
matter which way you turn, you end up in the same place over and over again.
But instead of superyachts, casinos and Russian oligarchs, Èze boasts endless
shops and eateries – each catering in one way or another for the tourists that
it attracts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrjIkIloqTiWKcGmybRaGQIzD81qMjwbVHH-kEYW9fhCdH1gHCNiBZ3jFOMkFxS63wKsKgtndnsihmCTlJjEJfA_J2MDo0J1ydaDHTPzz3pcyyrFPIYQ2xSzl9UJInuGZlA6kkyQ/s1600/IMG_5492.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrjIkIloqTiWKcGmybRaGQIzD81qMjwbVHH-kEYW9fhCdH1gHCNiBZ3jFOMkFxS63wKsKgtndnsihmCTlJjEJfA_J2MDo0J1ydaDHTPzz3pcyyrFPIYQ2xSzl9UJInuGZlA6kkyQ/s400/IMG_5492.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Every nook
contains a nick-nack that can be taken back to London or Hamburg or Tokyo. Some
of the stuff is actually quite tasteful – artisan necklaces, original art works
and individually designed clothes – but it is so overwhelming, it definitely
detracts from the history and aesthetic of the place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">Of course, you’d
have to be an other-worldly naïf to imagine there wouldn’t be shops,
restaurants and tourist offices surrounding a place as attractive as this. But there is something disconcerting about actually
embedding twenty-first century commerce in the fifteenth-century buildings
themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The workers
who toil in the village are a constant reminder of the twenty-first century.
They take communal breaks on the steps among the tourists – reclining to the
side of the cobbled walkways, puffing on cigarettes and checking their social
media, before returning to hotels that charge €81 for a melon starter and €95
for veal and veg.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The biggest
selling point of Èze is its spectacular views of the French Riviera, but you
shouldn’t think that these come for free. To sneak a peek, you’re charged €6 to
enter an exotic garden of follies and life-sized statues of giraffes. A sign
strictly prohibits the use of drones, which rules out a cost-cutting flypast. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">It’s
difficult to say what Èze really is today. It undoubtedly has a beauty and
charm, but its authenticity has been traded in for Japanese Yen and US Dollars.
This must surely create an opportunity for other villages in the region who can
position themselves as a more genuine slice of history.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">If you’re
looking for an authentic approach to the preservation of medieval
architecture and culture, it’s worth travelling 50km east into Italy. The coastal
town of San Remo is a much larger tourism hub than Èze and has all the
trappings you’d expect in terms of shops, restaurants and beaches. It also has
a spectacular old town, which is remarkably well preserved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIFds2EwDKN-EPNztkA5XyVjhCFkPofbsLWRYHnD7uw44shv-UKijmY602X_npFh1H34Gqt45P1QnFuwngtK8Yzsh9jHvBxodiWWUMALMQRITi6jZ_4oH11jqWsntJrtGsHNRNEQ/s1600/IMG_5597.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIFds2EwDKN-EPNztkA5XyVjhCFkPofbsLWRYHnD7uw44shv-UKijmY602X_npFh1H34Gqt45P1QnFuwngtK8Yzsh9jHvBxodiWWUMALMQRITi6jZ_4oH11jqWsntJrtGsHNRNEQ/s400/IMG_5597.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">The difference
with the Italian resort is that the tourist infrastructure is largely separated
from the winding ancient streets. Real people still live in the hills of San
Remo and they are pottering around with their shopping and chatting to each
other between buildings, as the tourists pass by. In that sense, the feeling is
perhaps a little similar to that of the historic Alfama district of Lisbon,
Portugal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">While the
tourists must be a constant intrusion to the locals, the locals undoubtedly
help make the trip more satisfying for the tourists. Particularly those who
hope for a modicum of authenticity and a slightly less adulterated view of
history.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">And the
views? San Remo’s are pretty spectacular too. But the only price you pay is in
physical exertion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-73797604978955467902016-06-24T14:46:00.000-07:002016-06-24T14:47:35.637-07:00Who is the real face of Brexit?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The picture painted of the typical Brexit voter is of an
angry, disenchanted individual in Labour’s working-class heartlands or a brash
right-winger at a market stall in a place like Romford. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m sure many do fall into these categories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My hunch, however, is that your average ‘Leave’ supporter
is someone far more nondescript and anonymous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They live in a fairly decent house in a little modern
development, somewhere a few miles outside a moderate-sized town. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They drive to work along the same stretch of motorway
each morning and complain endlessly about the traffic they encounter near Junction
8.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They usually bring a packed lunch, but occasionally nip
out to Morrisons at lunchtime. They try not to spend more than £3.99 and like
meal deals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They don’t find their job hugely exciting, but they like
the people they work with. There’s a Fantasy Football league and last year half
a dozen fellow employees travelled down to London to see a show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are one or two people at their office who bring in
real filter coffee, but they prefer instant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They drive back along the motorway listening to Heart.
They try to leave just before 5 or else the traffic is a nightmare.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They take the dogs for a quick walk when they get back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They have dinner and watch a bit of telly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They talk to their husband about the Euro 2016 football
and Jenny and Paul’s wedding. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They agree that he’ll try to fix the lawnmower,
but if he can’t, it’ll have to go in for repair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They remember that tomorrow it’s the EU referendum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They’ll vote when they get back from work. Maybe when
they take the dogs out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They quite like Boris and think that Europe interferes
too much in decision making.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They are meeting the husband’s sister and her family at
the weekend. They may drive to the pub they visited back in October. The food
was quite good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-68557848249744930202016-04-10T15:19:00.000-07:002016-04-10T15:21:58.814-07:00If you look down, you'll see BarkingReality TV is a genre that truly has no boundaries. Like the universe, it can only expand endlessly until eventually, one day, it collapses in on itself.<br />
<br />
We've seen reality TV shows about animals. And we've seen plenty which challenge people to try things they've never done before. But a show which challenges canine contestants to fly a plane? It was thought to be outside the Hubble bubble. Until now.<br />
<br />
This week, I watched the culmination of the Sky TV show <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtjNm48BsOs"><i>Dogs Might Fly</i>,</a> which ended with a pitbull cross managing to execute a figure of eight in UK airspace. The mutts involved in the selection process - who were all rescue animals - went through an arduous training course involving makeshift simulators on the ground. <br />
<br />
Lifted up in a harness to prevent them putting too much weight on their front paws, the dogs were taught through Pavlovian-style rewards to turn the steering wheel left and right. The would-be Luftwoofe pilots were then acclimatised to the turbulence of life in the air by going for speedboat ride on the Thames.<br />
<br />
The results were impressive. With a trainer behind him and a human pilot beside him (presumably ready to seize control in the event of disaster), the winning pooch actually managed to navigate the skies.<br />
<br />
Can you imagine the conversations the producers had with air traffic control? But now the precedent has been established, it can't be long before Ryanair presses these dogs into service as a cost-saving exercise.<br />
<br />
Anyone for southern Europe? Viva Espaniel!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-10116318109610428512016-04-07T14:15:00.000-07:002016-04-07T14:57:19.010-07:00They would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids...Two stories from different sides of the Atlantic recently highlighted how crime fighting and investigation really can be child's play.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In the UK, cops in Surrey were astonished when a group of kids formed a human arrow to point a police helicopter in the direction of two alleged criminals. As the suspects in a farm burglary case made their way across fields to escape the arm of the law, the enterprising youngsters laid themselves on the ground to act as a signal. All it took was a quick radio message from the chopper and the fleeing men were apprehended.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As a number of commentators have pointed out, it seems like something straight out of Enid Blyton's <i>Famous Five</i> or <i>Secret Seven </i>stories, to which I was addicted as a kid. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's true to say that choppers didn't feature much in Blyton. Her young sleuths were from a bygone era in which the village bobby would have been plodding by on his pushbike. And the arrow kids from Capel were on an Easter egg hunt in the company of their parents, so had some cordon of protection. I don't remember the parents in Blyton's books taking the slightest interest in where their kids were from one week to the next. Certainly not the boys, anyway.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Brave and ingenious though the British children were, they surely must doff their caps to an American counterpart - young Hilde Kate Lysiak of Pennsylvania. The nine-year-old daughter of a former <i>New York Daily News</i> hack, she has established her own local rag called the <i><a href="http://orangestreetnews.com/">Orange Street News</a>, </i>reporting on the goings-on in the Snyder County town of Selinsgrove (Pop 5,383). </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Does Hilde restrict herself to yard sales and fashion trends at the local prom? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
No siree bob. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When she got a tip-off about a possible homicide, she was down at the crime scene - notebook and camera in hand, breaking the story before other more established news outlets. It was a scoop which attracted opprobrium from local residents, who felt she would more appropriately occupied with dolls and crayons, but the youthful newshound has since hit back in an online video.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Before we know it, kids will be running the world. And given the track record of these youngsters, perhaps it would be no bad thing.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-62882756825009344692015-10-12T07:22:00.001-07:002015-10-12T07:25:51.098-07:00Don't miss out!The desperate ploys of estate agents always amuse me. <div><br></div><div>One has stuck a letter through the door at Woodford Towers with the message that they are valuing in my street this week.</div><div><br></div><div>My God! They're actually in MY road. This week! I'd better act while the iron's hot. </div><div><br></div><div>You know how it is with estate agents. They're a bit like Google Street View. Once they've done your area, they won't come back for two or three years.<br><div><br></div><div>'I was hoping you might be able to value my house.'</div><div><br></div><div>'Nah, sorry, mate. We did your street three weeks ago. Didn't you get our letter?'</div><div><br></div><div>I think they need to be more precise. When exactly are they in the street? During office hours? 24/7 for the duration of the week? Or are they like Mr Softee, playing a tune and parking up for a couple of minutes at the end of the road?</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-73411513188569140372015-09-30T04:05:00.000-07:002015-09-30T04:07:22.245-07:00Something old, something new, something borrowed, something redThe news that left-wing Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn draws inspiration from the 1980s will come as no surprise to followers of British politics. It was, however, quite special to discover that some of his conference speech this week was actually<a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/jeremy-corbyn-defends-using-speech-extracts-rejected-by-four-previous-labour-leaders-a6673076.html"> <i>written</i> in the days of Bananarama and Frankie Goes To Hollywood.</a><br />
<br />
According to press reports, the north London socialist had drawn on text from a speechwriter who'd touted the same blurb to every party boss since Neil Kinnock, only to have it rejected.<br />
<br />
It's difficult to imagine the conversation between Corbyn and his aides, isn't it?<br />
<br />
'We've found the perfect form of words here, boss.'<br />
<br />
'Excellent. Can you feed them into this new-fangled autocue thing?'<br />
<br />
'Well, there are a couple of problems.'<br />
<br />
'What do you mean?'<br />
<br />
'Well, first of all, it's in Wordstar. And second, we can't find anything to read the five-inch floppy.'Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-52616349833397916872015-07-01T15:41:00.001-07:002015-07-01T15:41:41.626-07:00Something fishy about this cash<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbgmub5Qt6O_Wh-Sz5IZqJBX2b4IMQYjoPYaLx2S6voaaMe6wdcjxrBvI8GMSx2sYdEr3OUuWe4QJXeKj3E4Wz1bEfTl1GtMZBwkt_D-t7kGznXjhQPclkTtd_-rBwyU-1rz7U5Q/s640/blogger-image--910790026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbgmub5Qt6O_Wh-Sz5IZqJBX2b4IMQYjoPYaLx2S6voaaMe6wdcjxrBvI8GMSx2sYdEr3OUuWe4QJXeKj3E4Wz1bEfTl1GtMZBwkt_D-t7kGznXjhQPclkTtd_-rBwyU-1rz7U5Q/s640/blogger-image--910790026.jpg"></a>Forgive me, but I not sure I want to get my travel money from a fishmonger. It doesn't sound very hygienic.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-53981901856521085742015-05-02T04:57:00.000-07:002015-05-02T04:59:48.228-07:00What science tells us about politics todayMy local UKIP candidate, Barry Edwards, opens his leaflet with four powerful words: 'I am a Scientist...' <br />
<br />
(The upper case his Barry's. For Emphasis.)<br />
<br />
His profession apparently means that he believes in the 'rigorous scrutiny of information'.<br />
<br />
So far, so good. We look forward to a level of perspicacity so often lacking in our would-be politicians.<br />
<br />
'I know that the other parties are untrustworthy and have lost touch with people,' writes the aspiring MP, no doubt on the basis of extensive scientific research. 'I understand that over-population produced mainly by excessive EU migration is the underlying cause of increasing pressure on our housing, NHS, education, elderly provision and all other social services.'<br />
<br />
The underlying cause?<br />
<br />
So science has <i>proved</i> that our housing crisis is the result of immigration?<br />
<br />
It couldn't possibly have anything at all to do with the fact we haven't built any houses, could it? Or that prices have been rocketing because of speculation and investment from around the world? Or that many people buy properties and then leave them empty? <br />
<br />
And science has ruled out the possibility that everyone is living longer, in favour of the much more plausible hypothesis that young people from Romania and Poland are dressing up as pensioners and claiming they need round-the-clock care?<br />
<br />
There's no doubt that Barry needs to have a chat with D D Wedgwood, another colourful local candidate, who also believes in science.<br />
<br />
'The single minute double spiral genome,' Wedgwood writes, 'contained all the information to design and construct the people who are you and I. And it's a cunning little genome. It constructed your almond shaped amygdala. This sits in the middle of your brain, monitoring your every thought and instructing your pituitary and adrenal glands to inject their cocktail of opiates into your bloodstream...'<br />
<br />
If you're wondering where this is leading, Wedgwood maintains that this 'simple biology' allows us to 'redefine morality and ethics and eliminate the morality muddle which philosophers and politicians interminably debate'.<br />
<br />
His conclusion? Our society has progressed to what it is today, only because our 'forebears justly used imprisonment, flogging, crucifying and hanging, etc. to reduce the genetic survival chances of those who displayed *Unethical* tendencies'. <br />
<br />
(The upper case is D D's. For *Emphasis*.)<br />
<br />
He encourages me to Google the name of his 'Magna Carta Party'. When I do, I discover the page - hosted by easily.co.uk - has mysteriously been suspended. He might claim that this is a breach of his human rights, were it not for the fact that he has described human rights as a 'corrupting and depraved conspiracy' earlier in the leaflet.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-89294948707560243092015-05-02T04:22:00.003-07:002015-05-02T04:23:43.395-07:00If I have a glazed look, here's why...A glossy magazine has arrived on the doorstep of Woodford Towers. Strangely, it's not the one that appears every month with ads for all the private prep schools and multi-million pound properties. This one is produced by Mabel Gray on behalf of a company called Jack Brunsdon & Son, which has been installing windows and doors for half a century.<br />
<br />
As you can imagine, the editors confirm that it has been 'fun bringing this magazine together' and a quick glance at the contents page explains why.<br />
<br />
Page 10: 'We replaced our PVC windows with timber ones...'<br />
<br />
Page 13: Which paint finish will you choose?<br />
<br />
Page 14: Focus on the new greys - today's popular shades<br />
<br />
It's clear that I need to set a weekend aside for this. I'll file it between GQ and Take a Break.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-21094965701232233602015-02-27T13:31:00.001-08:002015-02-27T13:32:04.881-08:00Some phenomena even Spock couldn't explain<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Kirk: <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘Spock… there…must be…a…scientific explanation!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Spock:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘I confess, Captain, that on this occasion, I am at a loss
to explain the phenomenon.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Kirk:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘It’s a dress, which I can see is quite clearly white and
gold. And yet...’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Spock:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘…and yet, the sensors say that is blue and black. It
defies logic. Like you, I see only white and gold.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Uhura:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘Captain?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Kirk:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘Yes, Lieutenant?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Uhuru:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘I see blue and black. And there are people on Tumblr
saying that I should try it on!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Spock:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">‘WTF?’</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-3695893874567939302015-01-31T15:10:00.001-08:002015-01-31T15:13:49.216-08:00Why pay through the nose?There's nothing I like more than a free invitation and estate agents seem to understand this only too well. Taking advantage of my eye for a bargain, they're always inviting me to have my house valued gratis. <div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaEX5nHdyjVzN-_CwaK9uu4Lf49zqCdw3ch9oojCb7-I71bAYA3uTEHxVSPhWIFwGBK9osju9G9u5HxeZOaW8cSTHYlEZxUu3PPs6P0vgSzJ258VOIpuoQdGDQlvQVNwq5JLOR4w/s640/blogger-image-1012471255.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaEX5nHdyjVzN-_CwaK9uu4Lf49zqCdw3ch9oojCb7-I71bAYA3uTEHxVSPhWIFwGBK9osju9G9u5HxeZOaW8cSTHYlEZxUu3PPs6P0vgSzJ258VOIpuoQdGDQlvQVNwq5JLOR4w/s640/blogger-image-1012471255.jpg"></a></div><br><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">This extraordinary generosity stands in stark contrast to exploitation of the countless charlatans and tricksters who will quite happily charge hundreds of pounds just to tell me what my property might be worth.</span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I tell these chancers in no uncertain terms that I won't tolerate their exorbitant valuation fees, when other kindly agents are issuing invitations for FREE.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">You have to be careful with estate agents these days though. In the December edition of a glossy mag called South West, which I picked up on a train, there's a profile of a couple of guys from a posh London firm. One of them has been drafted in from the military.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Talking about the dangers of being on the front line of the property war in Barnes, he says: 'In the Marines, we used to have a saying: improvise, adapt and overcome. I think that fits in quite well with the conditions of our job.'</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">That's the spirit, my old son. If you see any incoming mansion tax or a Eurozone crisis on the horizon, keep a steady nerve. Improvise, adapt, overcome.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Perhaps even consider invitations to free valuations. There's no better way of out-gunning your rivals.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-47032319186928188082014-12-05T08:52:00.001-08:002014-12-05T08:52:07.163-08:00Excuse me while I go and stick my head in some sand...<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaCXTwQQeV2yhxGNq_xBsowhFIqVKM8G8gdo2SsgZxRCced860V3HUe1134QqR5Q6Ow6CP2AfNWC2gqcpwgp0WtqENcK8WTQZcgMuKvMzbVPfpmlKNX7beVbxCrBxJf5Z2DcYHfA/s640/blogger-image-1025983019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaCXTwQQeV2yhxGNq_xBsowhFIqVKM8G8gdo2SsgZxRCced860V3HUe1134QqR5Q6Ow6CP2AfNWC2gqcpwgp0WtqENcK8WTQZcgMuKvMzbVPfpmlKNX7beVbxCrBxJf5Z2DcYHfA/s640/blogger-image-1025983019.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">What do you get when cross a new Vauxhall with an overdressed ostrich? The answer is an advertisement which cannot be successfully decoded by a whole room full of marketers, designers and copywriters.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I was teaching part of an art direction class the other day at Chelsea College of Arts and have to admit that we collectively drew a blank.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">According to the copy, the Vauxhall ADAM is as individual as you are. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Let's say, for instance, you were an ostrich with a penchant for wearing heels and jewellery. Well, the car would be an ideal match.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I am wondering whether the bird represents Eve, as we are told that 'whatever your personality, there's an ADAM for you'. Is the typical driver therefore a woman, who craves the ultimate security of an archetypal man? The kind of modern guy who dresses in red like you and impresses your mother with his carbon emissions of only 124g/km?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This idea is unfortunately blown out of the water by the small print. 'Animal not included,' it reads. 'Accessory model's own.' </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So the ostrich was actually a make-believe free gift to which gullible readers might have believed themselves entitled?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">You would pay to be a fly on the wall at the meeting between the client and agency where the concept was first mooted. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Sadly, fly not included. Wall insect's own.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-5657077102566993212014-11-08T14:16:00.000-08:002014-11-08T14:16:47.378-08:00A true labour of loveAdult Swim's 'Too Many Cooks' has just taken the internet by storm. And if ever there were a video that deserved to go viral, this is it. The painstaking attention to detail and effort here suggest a real labour of love.<br />
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<embed src="//www.youtube.com/v/QrGrOK8oZG8?version=3&hl=en_GB&rel=0&showinfo=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="560" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30659802.post-28014727118074174932014-10-02T14:43:00.000-07:002014-10-02T14:47:03.552-07:00West London... the final frontierIf you thought that you'd have to wait until 2161 to apply for Starfleet Academy, I have some good news. The Federation has kindly beamed it down to West London a century and a half before its scheduled opening.<br />
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<a href="http://www.spacestudiowestlondon.org/303/welcome-to-the-space-studio-west-london">Space Studio</a> is an 'Aspirations Academy', which prepares kids for careers in the aerospace and space industries. For the moment, the former probably offers a few more real-world opportunities than the latter, although that could all change after April 5th 2063, when we have first contact with the Vulcans.</div>
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It's not Zefram Cochrane we have to thank for this initiative, but rather Dr Russell Quaglia, who - according to the website blurb - developed the Aspirations Framework to 'unlock students (sic) unending academic, personal and social potential'. Although there's sadly no mention of the prime directive, there are three guiding principles of 'self-worth, engagement and purpose', which are 'lived out through 8 conditions that make a difference', including 'Heroes' and 'Spirit of Adventure'.</div>
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As an earthling born in the 20th century, it's obviously hard for me to make head or tail of any of this, but I have no doubt that Captain Jean-Luc Picard would have a clear message for the Headteacher of Space Studio: 'Make it so'.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0